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Q&A with Amy Spalding: WE USED TO BE FRIENDS

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Q&A with Amy Spalding: WE USED TO BE FRIENDS WNDB Blog We Need Diverse Books

Today we’re delighted to welcome Amy Spalding to the WNDB blog to discuss WE USED TO BE FRIENDS, out January 7, 2020.

We Used to Be Friends by Amy Spalding book coverTold in dual timelines—half of the chapters moving forward in time and half moving backwards—We Used to Be Friends explores the most traumatic breakup of all: that of childhood besties.

At the start of their senior year in high school, James (a girl with a boy’s name) and Kat are inseparable, but by graduation, they’re no longer friends. James prepares to head off to college as she reflects on the dissolution of her friendship with Kat while, in alternating chapters, Kat thinks about being newly in love with her first girlfriend and having a future that feels wide open. Over the course of senior year, Kat wants nothing more than James to continue to be her steady rock, as James worries that everything she believes about love and her future is a lie when her high-school sweetheart parents announce they’re getting a divorce.

Why did you want to write a YA book about the experience of losing a friend?
Losing a friend is one of the toughest experiences I’ve dealt with, and in writing this book and talking to friends, this was not an unusual feeling. In fact, most people I talked to had at least one really tough friendship breakup that they maybe weren’t even over. So I really wanted to tackle this big heartbreak of a friend breakup as the main plot, with the romance and family elements I usually write about taking more of a background role this time.
How were you inspired by the storytelling structures of THE LAST 5 YEARS and also MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG? What was the writing process like with a book that has both two points-of-view and two timelines?
I love the feeling of storytelling that drops you into someone’s present and dares you to imagine things differently. Not in a “what if” way, but in a “things used to be different, so different they’re unimaginable now” way. These two musicals play with that interplay between past, present, and future, thanks to their nonlinear storytelling, and I knew that’s how I wanted to tell the story of a friendship breakup. THE LAST 5 YEARS is about a divorce, but the way its two characters move in time, but never together, underlies their other issues, and that felt really right for James and Kat (yes, fans of THE LAST 5 YEARS, those names are not a coincidence) and where they are in life their senior year of high school.
I wanted the book to be in two POVs because I felt like in a breakup story with only one main protagonist, it’s easy to see that person as right and the other as wrong, one as the hero and the other a villain. I in no way wanted to cast either girl in a villain’s role; the thing about being a person is that it’s just very hard! And even when you try your best, you might hurt people. Other people might hurt you. That can be a part of life, and it often doesn’t mean that someone is wrong or right.
The writing process was extremely complicated, and I was stressed out about it constantly! I wrote some of it in order chronologically, some in order narratively, and many pieces as I fit them in. I had various Excel spreadsheets to keep the timelines and emotions straight.
Did you choose the time frame for this story (near/around graduation from high school) on purpose? It’s a time of change for so many people; how did those changes and the choices your characters made shape your story?
Absolutely. It’s one of the biggest times of upheaval in young life, and a year where many are thinking about the future and who they hope to be. These sorts of examinations can really bring you together with people, but they can also separate you, when it feels like goals and futures are shifting.
For James and Kat, their senior year is turning out completely different than either of them expected. Kat is faced with good surprises: new romance, changes in her family that are hard but could be ultimately wonderful. James’ year is different: tough stuff that she’s unequipped to deal with or reach out for help. Even their looks ahead to college encompass completely different concerns, and they’re just no longer on the same page seemingly about anything. I think senior year can illuminate little differences that were there all along.
The resolution to many heartbreaks after romantic breakups is for the people involved to “move on” and forward with their lives. Do you think the same is true for friendships? How can someone figure out if they should let the friendship go or try to heal what was broken?
I think friendships can be as vital and fulfilling and as messy and toxic as any romantic relationship is capable of. I’ve had friend breakups where we clearly just needed some time apart to work on ourselves and then find our ways back. And I’ve had friendship breakups where I only feel a giant weight lifted and can’t imagine letting that person back in my life again. I think time apart is often key; you often quickly learn if you miss the good times you have or only realize just how bad things had been. I try to follow my gut there, but of course all relationships mean you risk vulnerability and heartbreak. Luckily the good ones are worth the risk!
Are there other friendship (or non-romantic-relationship-centric) stories you want to see more of in YA?
Yes! I love friendship and I love books about it. The joy, the messiness, the closeness in chosen family! That said, everyone knows I love a YA romcom and I will never stop loving me a YA romcom!
Tell us about a few published or upcoming YA books that you loved.
This was very hard to narrow down, so here are more than a few books to pile atop your TBRs! In 2019, I loved:
Camryn Garrett’s Full Disclosure
Abdi Nazemian’s Like a Love Story
Samira Ahmed’s Internment
Justin A. Reynolds’s Opposite of Always
Sandhya Menon’s There’s Something about Sweetie
Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka’s If I’m Being Honest
Lance Rubin’s Crying Laughing
A couple of 2020 books I’ve already had the pleasure of reading (and loving!):
Zan Romanoff’s Look
Robyn Schneider’s You Don’t Live Here
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Amy Spalding Headshot
Photo by Robyn Von Swank

Amy Spalding grew up in St. Louis, but now lives in the better weather of Los Angeles. She has a B.A. in Advertising & Marketing Communications from Webster University, and an M.A. in Media Studies from The New School. Amy studied longform improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. By day, she manages the digital media team for an indie film advertising agency. By later day and night, Amy writes, performs, and pets as many cats as she can.